It's been a little bit longer than a week of being here In Chinandega, Nicaragua and already so much has happened. I have been broken, used, gone through abandonment, sad, happy, excited, lost. Every emotion a person could imagine I have gone through this las week. At first I didn't feel as if I belonged here. I knew I wanted to do ministry and I knew I wanted to be on this trip, but I didn't know if Nicaragua was my fit. I kept walking into situations and kept asking, "what is my purpose here?" I didn't feel that I had a purpose in this town. Some people on my team could instantly click with someone. I didn't feel that. There wasn't one specific person where I just knew I had to play with them or talk to them. My relationship with God was really struggling at this point. I felt that he was using everyone else, and he wasn't using me. This frustrated me cause I just wanted to run into a town full of kids and change lives, but I know now it can't just happen that fast. I have made friends with the youth in Bethel though. We have gone there 4 times now, and I don't feel as discouraged as I did the first day. What was bothering me so much before was the language barrier, how am I supposed to build relationships with people if they have no idea what I am saying, and I have no idea what they are saying. The first couple of days that left me super angry and lost. I was lost in Ministry, I had no where to go.
After going to Bethel a few times though, I started to realize the small changes we had been making. Whenever our truck filled with our team would drive up there's no one outside playing or talking, everyone's in their homes, but when they see us there everyone comes out. When we're there the community all comes together to play. This town of Bethel sees missionaries a lot. Vision Nicaragua, the ministry I'm with, is at Bethel a lot. So we are not the first missionaries that they have seen, nor will we be the last, but I want to be the ones who DO make change in this village. Our squad had came at a major time of brokenness too. Last Sunday during church our squad went to church in Bethel. The church their is a nondenominational Christian church. Their worship though is so different to the worship I'm used to. We are in the hottest room ever while someone just sings for hours, and I have no idea what they are saying. They also have about 3 pastors at this church. When one of the pastors was speaking he fainted, most of us just thought he fainted and he would be fine. The pastor of Bethel actually passed that night. What was amazing though, was when everyone in the church found out, they all went to the front and still worshipped while mourning. Everyone on our squad went and comforted them as they mourned. It was the craziest thing, one of the women I was comforting me just kept hugging me. I learned in this moment, sometimes you don't have to say anything at all to make a difference, you just have to love them. In this moment I knew my purpose here. My purpose was just to love on these people in their brokenness.
Two days after that happened our squad went back into Bethel to play with the kids. I brought my nail polish to paint some of the girls nails, so some girls on my team went with me. So many girls wanted their nails painted. I had about 20 girls surrounding just me and there were many others around the other girls. After I had painted the girls nails I kept trying to get my nail polish back and they were all holding it. About 15 girls kept tapping me and asking me something in Spanish. I thought they were saying, "can we have this?" For about 15 minutes they kept saying it and taking it away from me and I was so frustrated. I was having so much fun painting there nails, the smile on their face made everything, but now I just didn't know what to do. But then one girl made it clear to me that they didn't want to take the nail polish, but they all wanted to paint my nails. So about 10 other little girls were surrounding me painting my fingers and my toes. Even when a girl would mess up she would take the nail polish off with her shirt, and they don't have that many shirts. It was such an amazing moment, but they never gave up on me when i didn't understand them. So I know that no matter what I can't give up on them, because I know they wont give up on me
Love seeing how to Lord was growing you in the first few weeks! Can’t wait to see what else He does while we are in Nicaragua!